#140: what's holding you back

I've been staring at the screen for sometime now. I had a great idea how this post would turn out in my head but my fingers are not doing a lot of typing right now.

Let's do "freestyle" and just go with the flow...


I was just reading some tweets about holding back and how I, too, are going through something similar.

You guys know how much I love my YouTube channel, right? And how much I am enjoying this journey.

Here's a secret: I'd rather have strangers watch my videos than my real-life friends.

Why am I holding it back... especially from my friends?

It comes from a very vulnerable place - a place of fear of being ridiculed, fear of not being taken "seriously" and fear of this question: What will they think?

Deep down in my heart I know that I have friends that will support me all the way.... but I also know there are those that may just say... "What's this syok sendiri thing you're doing?"

And that does not help when my motivation runs low.


I want to change that. I no longer want to holdback.

I want to treat what I do on YouTube as a craft, as a form of personal expression of my creativity. I want my videos to be informative (and entertaining).

I want to be proud of what I do and proud to tell the world about it... be it family members, friends, and even strangers on the internet.

It's a slow process, still a work in progress, but I hope sometime this year I can get comfortable saying... "I am Syaf and I am a Vlogger... watch my videos!"

If people don't care what I do... it should not matter.

If they care and show their support, then I need to count my blessings.


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