|Photo credit: Flickr/Hans Splinter|
I cannot breath anymore and destroy my soul.
I’m totally lost with what I am doing to myself. “Noreen oh Noreen” my Dr said with his voice a little bit upset. I try to be at my best but I didn’t do it the best way until it effected my health, personal life, family and friendship. I’ve almost lost everyone that I care and love. Before it’s too late I must stop and start to say NO!!!!
Heard of ‘Workaholic’? But for my scenario, it is not workaholic but I call it ‘Tortureholic’. The episode began with my first assignment: I volunteered to help, I enjoyed it and I continue my service as if it was my full time job even though I didn’t get any single cents. I did it because I’m happy to volunteer, to help and to learn something new and meet new friends. I feel honoured the work was noticed by the community. It motivated me to work even harder and I keep doing positive things to impress everybody.
Beside volunteer service, I have also been busy helping my partner. My daily routine becomes more interesting. Life is transforming for the better, I would say. Practically 24/7 I’m occupied with something and I’m always happy till I'll forget, do I have any problems? Am I making money? I didn’t earn anything and I just take it easy running my errands and the bills will arrive by end of the month. I just keep moving and continue my new adventure without hoping for any returns. It’s from the bottom of my heart.
A new challenge is coming and guess what? I accepted another new assignment... again!!!! This time it involved a big scale project, and gave my full swing without any mercy. I told myself that I will challenge myself. At this point, things got worse and tried to kill my soul slowly. I started to feel some pain in my body. For the past 7 months I didn’t rest and constantly moving non-stop, being active 24/7, a few hours of sleep a day, no exercise and forgotten to have a balance diet. OMG OMG…
It’s a wakeup call NOREEN!
I went to see my Dr, and the result was shocking. My sickness is coming back and if I don’t follow my Dr's advice, I can kill myself slowly. Driving back home I started to pray and the first person I call was my mom. Guess what? I didn’t say hello and talk to her for many months. Usually I use to call her at least twice a week. She said I was very busy so she understand and constantly prays nothing bad will happen to me. An hour later, I just realize that I've lost my life's balance. I switched off my phone, with no communication with the world. I felt so empty. WHY?
I've lost my balance.
I've created distance with my best friends, I tried to ruin my 9 years love relationship with my love partner, I tried to be far away with my own family and the worst part I tried to destroy my career and company that I've build with my own effort. Who am I actually and what have I done to myself? What am I trying to achieve and who is it for? I've already destroyed my own normal healthy life.
Well, now comes the serious and hardest part: I must stop and do something. With my decision I believe that it will hurt many people around and they will get shocked. I feel sorry and I didn’t mean it. I stop my activities and announce my resignations to everybody within 24 hours. Yes I did it…. With my unhealthy condition, I need to slow down and temporarily take a break. Everybody was shocked, angry, upset and question the sudden decision. It’s not their fault and there's nothing wrong with the internal organisation and company. It’s my personal health that is the big issue.
I feel so bad and regret but again I told myself, for my own health sake, I have to face it and make a decision. I left everything and have to settle one by one, piece by piece and I can breathe finally………………………I feel released and my soul is back. My actual friendly self is back with me. Writing is the best therapy to calm and be my real self. So sharing good stories and life experience on my blog, helps me connect back with my soul.
What I’m trying to share is that you cannot stop people from wanting to say something because human neuron brain can only accept positive but not negative. They like to hear the answer, what they want to hear but they do not want to think about the other side. People love gossip but that's only temporary and they will forget as other hot news become the headline.
No matter how high and confident we are, we need to go back to life's basics. The rules of happiness is when you find your own balance in life. When you find your balance, everything you do will in harmony. As long as we view suffering as an unnatural state, an abnormal condition that we fear, avoid and reject, we will never uproot the causes of suffering and begin to live a happier life. An end result or product of patience and tolerance is forgiveness. When you are truly patient and tolerant, then forgiveness comes naturally. Life must be a balance and that is the purpose for happiness.
Sincerely, Noreen Amore.