Validation: The importance of letting someone know they matter

Everyday, we seek validation from those around us. Our existence in this world, in relation to the people in our life, is to know we matter.

We seek validation from our family and friends. We want to know we are loved.
We seek validation from our lecturers. We want to know we're on the right track for graduation.
We seek validation from our bosses. We want to know we're doing a good job.
We seek validation from our customers. We want to know our products are good and useful for them.
We seek validation from our Twitter friends through RT's and replies. We want to know what we say in 140 characters matter.

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I didn't have much friends back in middle school and during the early years of high school. I don't know about you but back in high school, the more friends we had, the validation were stronger. We would be seen as 'Cool'. I wasn't part of any clique and I was pretty much a loner (no exaggeration here!).

Many were less than friendly with me and calling me names. I felt I didn't matter.

During my senior year, two girls invited me to be part of a group for our pre-calculus class. We were having a hard time digesting the formulas and numbers given by our teacher in class.

Since we lived in the same apartment block, we decided to get together a few times a week after dinner to do our homework and revision together. On weekends, we would get together for McDonald's or a movie at our apartment's clubhouse

Having this group was the biggest validation I had ever felt from my senior year. It meant that my contribution and thoughts to the group matter. Honestly, it felt good to be needed and as a 17-year-old, it was a confident-booster.

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Since life is a continuous journey, we constantly seek some sort of validation in the environment and circumstance that we're in.

Moving on to 2012.

I love the social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook. motivationMY started with a Twitter account first, before I created this blog.

I love updating the Twitter for motivationMY because it's a very engaging platform and I get instant replies.

However, despite a constant number of visitors to the blog, it's hard to get readers to reply to a blog post. Directing motivationMY's twitter followers to this blog wasn't as easy as what I had expected.

I told a friend about this and she told me that since motivationMY started as a Twitter account, people are more comfortable interacting there.

Then the "validation" questions came running thru my head: Is it worth the effort that I put into updating this blog? Am I reaching someone (according to stats, yes, I'm reaching both Malaysian and American readers!)? Am I (not) doing a good job? Should I just give up this blog and concentrate on the blog?

That questions came to mind on and off and on a Friday evening, I received this unexpected tweet:

It felt great to know I've reached one reader (yes, @phatelara, thank you!). It wasn't so much about doing a good job or otherwise. It was that great feeling knowing that someone has read the blog and took the effort to comment.

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What I know for sure: In our journey called life, we constantly seek validation from those around us, in different ways and circumstances.

From my example, it might be getting some sort of validation from my blog readers. For others, it's getting that validation from our boyfriend/girlfriend, bosses, friends, colleagues, or even strangers!

We all want to feel needed, wanted and loved.

Here's another thing I know for sure: We have the power to validate someone, too. As much as we seek validation from others, put the extra effort to validate someone.

As we wait, more often than not, your loved ones are waiting to be validated too. When both people wait, who will take the effort?

Be the bigger person and give away some love to the world.

Say 'Hello' to a stranger.
Pick up the phone and call someone
BBM/WhatsApp an old friend and asked them what they're doing.
Grab a coffee with someone you care about.

Sometimes you don't have to even talk. Be a great listener. By being an attentive listener, you're showing that you care for the other person, who may want to share with you a problem he/she is having.

Remember: Instead of waiting for someone to validate you, validate others first and I'm sure their appreciation would validate your effort. The world will not 'move' if you don't make the effort first. 

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Side note: I end this post by thanking you for taking the effort to read until this point of the blog post. Knowing that you've reached this point in this lengthy post shows that you've made the effort.

Thank you.

P.S. I hope you like the new motivationMY.com logo.

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CREDITS:
Image 1 courtesy of Getideaka / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image 2 courtesy of Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net